Occasionally, I volunteer as a dog walker at the Humane Society. While there is a variety, for the most part the dogs are large and rambunctious; dogs that are difficult to handle and therefore are turned in. The Humane Society has a pretty comprehensive system of ensuring people are prepared to adopt a pet, but things don't always work out. Our current rescue dog was ostensibly turned in due to owner "allergies," but once we brought her home things became clearer; for a while her nickname was "Hyper Piper." Fortunately, we were prepared to manage her: we'd had dogs before, we had a large yard, we could afford vet bills, etc. Friends of ours just became first-time grandparents, and watching their son and his wife capably manage their newborn made me reflect on the lack of training most of us have when we take home a new baby. I remember my husband and I, sitting in the living room of our small apartment, our new baby in the car seat on the floor, thinking "now what do we do?" We were both family physicians, but had minimal experience in the day-to-day care of an infant. My husband had never even held a newborn until one of his medical rotations, during which an astute older female pediatrician sat him in a rocker in the newborn nursery, gave him a baby and a bottle, and instructed him to feed.
I had at least been babysitting for many years in my teens, but usually older babies and toddlers. My only newborn experience involved a 2-week-old, "Jennifer," who would not stop crying no matter what I did, and produced what seemed (to my fifteen-year-old self) an abnormal amount of liquid green poop. The two-year-old sister followed me around as I heated up formula and jiggled the baby and changed diapers, saying helpfully "Jeffer dying. Jeffer dying." I'm pretty sure she was pointing out that Jennifer was crying, but her use of "dying" added considerably to my stress. In the end, I called my mother who reassured me about the poop and gave some pointers to stop the crying and all was well. Why did I ever think I could manage a newborn of my own? And yet, with help, we managed to raise and "launch" our two kids. I've heard discussions about needing a licence for a car, an application for a pet, but anyone can take home a newborn. Nowadays, at least, there are supports for parents, so that people who don't have parents or older siblings to lean on still have many resources. Imagine having a newborn and also food insecurity, job insecurity, housing insecurity...the reality of many Canadians. Then there's the Internet, which can be an incredible resource but also a source of tremendous anxiety, whether it be health-related doomscrolling, trying to keep up with all the Mommy bloggers and Instagram photos, or endless opinions on parenting techniques starting in infancy. There are as many ways to parent as there are parents, and the good news is that despite all the hype about Gentle Parenting and Child-Led Weaning and whatever trend is current, for the most part if fed and loved and kept safe, babies will grow up into capable people. A new baby presents a huge challenge and commitment, but brings so much joy. Every family deserves a chance to experience an infant if that's what they want, and I hope despite everything going on in the world right now, we can come together to support those new parents who need a positive comment or some extra diapers or some reassurance about that liquid green poop.
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AuthorHi, I'm Karen. This space is a chance for me to get some of those notebook sessions out there: Motherhood, medicine, writers and writing, the state of the world. Non-published, sometimes non-polished, just a chance to open a discussion. Let me know what you think! Archives
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